Really….really?

It bothers me that you were so important in my life, and now you’re gone. And I’m finally talking to you again, and within one minute you piss me off uncontrollably. Oh, and then you lay ALL your problems on me out of nowhere, which doesn’t bother me in the slightest, but it’s annoying because when you were here, you ALWAYS complained that I whined too much and that all I did was dump all my problems on you. Which isn’t fair, because that was the lowest point in my entire life. Everything was hell, which you knew. But it didn’t matter to you, and it didn’t matter when you confided in me. You would tell me important things no one else ever knew and then the next day it was like it never happened. And now you want me to jump in and fix things, because of course I will, I would do it for anyone, and especially you. Know why? Because I’m not selfish like you. And because no matter how angry you make me, I cared about you and I still do and I always will, so I’m not going to hurt you. Which really isn’t fair because you got to pick and choose, and you still are and you always will. I’ve always played the game by your rules and you made me feel like a terrible person because of it, but now you’re not here so I get to take a step back and look at things without you clouding my judgement. I don’t have to be someone I’m not for you anymore. I don’t have to walk on eggshells around you or pretend this or that for you. I’m somebody completely separate from who you’ve always believed I was, and I’m going to be that person now. And you can’t hurt me. You’ve already rejected me, ignored me, and worst of all, left me. It took me awhile to realize you have absolutely no power over me, but it took you awhile to realize that you need me.